The Secret

I have now been unemployed for 5 months. That is the longest i have ever been unemployed- I have worked everyday since i graduated college-- 9 years ago. You would think I would have been enjoying this time off- but not really. I got laid off in December in Chicago. Which is not fun for anyone. I have been at home on my couch, watching the days pass and the weather change. I have been driving myself crazy, thinking I have some sort of disease every other minute. I have way too much time on my hands I have done nothing interesting, or artistic, or helpful to anyone.
Thus, i started a blog, which i guess is still selfish, but it's better then watching Oprah. I wish i would have started it way back in December, but I was way too depressed to play. Now, 5 months later- i feel better about life but still a little out of it. At the moment I am watching my sweet dog licking something off of the bathroom floor--must remember that before i kiss her on the mouth..
That has been my life, my dog. Ahh the life of a dog... why can't she get a job? Which is not to say i have not been looking for a job, oh I have. I even tried to move states, but alas, couldn't make sense of it. So now, i continue to sit here- day by day waiting for Chicago summer to begin, in hopes I am not day drinking every day of it.
I am in a very specific industry and No ONE is hiring. So I am thinking of going to grad school- but of course I missed the deadline for fall- because i really thought i'd have a job by now. JEEZ! my dog just got my slipper again. But thank god for her, if she weren't around I would never leave the house. She's gotta get walked. I have also been going to the gym everyday- i mean everyday for the passed 5 months.. i have lost no weight. Being at home and depressed-- you eat. I have been eating- and buying shit i never bought before... ice cream, diet soda... really? But i crave it.. so I thought maybe I'm pregnant. Nope. Just took my first home preggo test. Negative. Everyone tells me, now would be a great time to get pregnant... I am home, my husband is working...-- yeah but- we need more money. I hope to have kids someday, but can't imagine ever being "Ready." So what do i do... i start a blog, last night i began to watch "The Secret" oh- those creepy dudes were really talking to me... so today i begin to imagine and visualize what i want... a job, to stop feeling dizzy, -- oh yeah i have been feeling dizzy... so thats why i thought i was preggo. I rode my bike today in the rain to my doctor, she could not see me. I am going back tomorrow. So i visualize, being healthy with a job.. I ask for it, i meditate, I accept it... the secret has not worked yet, but i am not giving up. Damn i just kissed my dog on the mouth. Short term memory.