Funny Facebook Status Day

Not much happening over here.. i was like.. jeez i wanna write in my blog- but i got nothing to say.....   
Then i thought... ....my friend Hayley and always laugh secretly about people's funny facebook statuses.  We aren't making fun- (ok, so we are a little)  and we wouldn't necessarily "like" it on facebook- but some of them are just like.... WHAT?!?!!?  and hilarious.. So I have been collecting some pretty funny ones for a while now.  I keep a typed list going.. maybe one day yours will make the list and i'll blog about it :)

Some gems:

- gotta go into hardcore training mode to get this donkey ready for Lone Star Park

- how can you tell when a baby is drunk?

- "Lord, beer me strength." - Jim Halpert

- I'm totally going to eat this bunny tonight after everyone goes to bed.

- After 10 Dos Equis beers, I think I’m the most interesting woman in the world.

- So hungry, I want to take Cheez-Its in the shower with me. Bad idea, right?

- Tina Fey is on Ooooooooooooooooprah today! (You have to do the Oprah voice there, obviously)

- Just me and the biggest pistachio on New Mexico. No big deal

- $0 in the bank, $1,000,000 in my heart

- "Did you know that Tina Fey took improv in Chicago?" - Mom 5 minutes ago.

- You know it's been an out$tanding year when your tax guy says, "Well... at least you love what you're doing..... right?"

- Proudly drinking Smirnoff Twist Pineapple since 2010.

- would like to thank Facebook for showing him which of his friends understand sarcasm and which do not.

- thinks Rebecca Black is what would have happened if Ke$ha was straight edge.

- Workout. Haircut. Color. Facial. Teeth bleaching.
It takes quite a bit to erase the sins of my past. Or the past 24 hours...

- Saw the cutest couple at lunch today. Felt that dark knot of sadness at being single. Watched as the gentleman proceeded to eat with his mouth open the entire time and then ignore an obvious kernel of corn on his cheek. Thankful I decided to invest my time and energy into searching for an ecru blazer instead of a date...

- "I don't think surfing Facebook counts as 'not drinking alone'." "What about Skyping?"

- Cold weather, we need to talk. You know how much I love you, especially those great times during the holidays this last year. I felt so connected, so close. But, lately, I don't feel the same. It's not you, it's me. I've even started seeing someone else. You don't know him, but he's warm and it could be special. So, you can have your sweater back. Maybe someday we can be friends, just not now.

- I'm retaining so much water from this weekend's festivities that I had to adjust the car's tire pressure on the way to work to prevent a blowout, my ankles bear a striking resemblance to Eleanor Roosevelt's and I'm wearing my watch as a pinky ring.

- Does anyone else ever get that feeling where they want to give someone a million paper cuts and throw them in a pool full of salt and lemon juice?!

- God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

- I'M NOT FAT I AM HARD TO KIDNAP

- Beautiful, Bodacious, Bright, Bashful, Brilliant... I was trying to figure out which word someone meant when they said I was being a real "B Word" today!